Throw back when I found out myself was being fooled by my boyfriend. I stood in front of him with my eyes full of tears and couldn't even say a word. The image of him hugging another girl kept making my heart clench bitterly every time. I deeply wanted to slap that bitch to death, I desired to kill those two, the feeling of jealousy completely took place my kindness, or can I say, the feeling of pain, greatest pain that I have ever felt since my dog died.
He touched my hair, whispering with a painful voice:
- How can I tell you that I completely ran out of my feeling for you one month ago. I don't love you anymore, at the same time, I just can't say those cruel words to you, you're not only my girl but also my best friend, is it wrong if I don't want to lose you?
I should have told him that he lost me since the moment he cheated on me, there's no excuse, I should have slapped him in the face and called him greedy bitch, but all I could do was react to the phrase "I don't love you anymore", my heart broke, my tears fell, my whole body seemed to collapse.
- Why you remain silent? I did it all, I have been with another girl. You can break up with me right now, don't keep that face, say something, It's 10pm and I have to take you home.
- Because I trust you. - I said. - I completely put my trust in you.
All I could say just like that. Not until being betrayed did I realize how much I believed in him. Since our relationship started, I have never wondered what he was doing, whom he was with, where he had been, why he was being so. I was always here when he needed me, I stood by his side every time someone said bad thing about him. Even when he was already with another girl, I believed he would tell me first and right away, I would be the first one to know, to cry, to walk away.
But he didn't, he chose to cheat on me, and no matter what the reasons could be like, I simply cannot forgive. Suddenly I felt disgusting, I wanted to throw all the gifts and memories to the beach and pretend he doesn't even exist in this beautiful life. That idea immediately saved me, I wiped my tears and calmly asked him to take me home. Right when I entered my house, the first thing I tried to reach was his box of letter, but I didn't throw it to the trash can, I opened every letter, read them again until night and slept in tears. I missed him, I missed us, at the end, I couldn't be that strong and cruel to him.
I have never seen him again since that day. Sometimes I wake up after a long dream about him, sometimes I seem to forget his face, sometimes I live my life like he has never been here, sometimes I cry myself out when accidentally see something belongs to him. The mix of feeling has never left me, but basically, I'm fine now, this post appears to be the most reliable evidence.
"I don't love you
like I did
yesterday"
- My chemical romance -
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